By: Yaritza Zayas, MS, MFT, LPC, NCC
“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” – Mahatma Gandhi
People seek to be happy. There isn’t anyone I have yet to meet that does not want it. We see motivating and inspiring images and quotes on happiness. And yet so many people are far from achieving it. This is because there is not authenticity. We are our worst enemy. So, right this second: stop being your own worst enemy by sabotaging yourself! To sabotage means to stand in your own way and fill yourself with doubt and second guessing. Why do we do this ? This can be due our unconscious beliefs: irrational and illogical beliefs about yourselves that we grew up with; doubts about whether we really deserve what we are working for; worry that we aren’t good enough; and fear that our goals will separate us from our friends and family. I am going to list the 4 most common ways I have witnessed sabotaging themselves and some tips on how to get unstuck in this pattern. I understand it’s not easy but your happiness depends on you doing something new!
1. You procrastinate.
I’ll do it…tomorrow. People who procrastinate are very worried about what others people them of them. Procrastinating becomes an excuse as to why you can’t get to things. Prioritize! Ask yourself what’s the absolute worst that could happen. Once you’ve put things in perspective you will realize things aren’t so awful, you can get past the anxiety and focus on the work.
You deserve nice things; but unfortunately treating yourself can lead to maxed out credit cards, empty checking accounts and a bad credit. Overspending is a way to mask negative emotions. Like emotional eaters, eat to numb feelings, when they feel bored or down. Impulsive shoppers are distracting themselves from their feelings. Some people find it easier to fill their lives with “stuff”. They like to create an appearance; an illusion of happiness rather than having and creating the substance, of happiness. There’s nothing wrong with a little retail therapy, like the random scarf or sweater, but if you’re in debt, paying your bills late, and not achieving your financial goals, then it’s a problem. Keep track of all of your spending and emotions prior to purchasing, this will put things into perspective and put you in control. You’ll be able to identify what is setting you off and learn new ways to cope with those feelings.
3. Regaining weight
Back to unhealthy habits. Losing weight and leading a healthy lifestyle make us vulnerable. People may stare at the changes you’ve made, friends may become jealous, and others may scrutinize you. Think of all the hard work you have put into leading a healthy lifestyle. Keep a journal detailing your journey and regain your confidence. There are many online community dedicated to supporting people in healthy living (Tone it UP, Blogilates, etc), sign up and reach out!
4. You’re consistently late.
Always rushed. Shows disregards and disrespect for people that are waiting on you, it could be a passive aggressive message saying “ I don’t want to be here”. If you’re late for a job interview, it may show your ambivalence about whether you really want the gig. If you’re late for work you may lose it. And if you are late for meetings with friends, they are going to get fed up and may stop inviting you out. Make up your mind. Be clear about what you want. Are you in or out?
Be proactive and adjust your actions or attitude. If you need support reach out and get the support!