Today we are closer to people’s business and life updates then ever before. I purposefully frame it like in this way, because connection via technology is not a true reflection of the relationship you may or may not have with this person. However, I have noticed how ex’s are still very much aware of what the other is doing, who they are with, and how their life is going. All through a filtered lens of course, painful nonetheless . It use to be that a relationship ended and you both went your separate ways. However, today, ex’s continue to be in close proximity to each other. It is easy to text, like, DM, etc. Before you know it you are back together and facing the same situations over again.
There are situations, were you can not nor should you continue to be in communication with this person. They may have been abusive, unfaithful, dismissive, in summary hurtful to you. Yet, you find yourself drawn, time and time again to their messages and their pages. Do not continue to feed your pain. Although, I understand, the temptation, your healing must come first. So, I have listed 4 practices you can use when you find- it difficult to stay away from someone who is not good to and for you. Here you go:
1. Write down all the reasons why it is bad/painful for you to keep paying attention to them. It can be easy to think of the fun times and minimize the hurt in the relationship.
2. With every relationship you evolve. You are no longer the same person and you have learned some lessons. So, write down how you have changed since you last were with this person. Are you willing to compromise your growth?
3. Before you broke up I am pretty sure you tired to fix things. What were they? Recall what you tried to make the relationship work, why did it not work?
4. Take this time to work on you! What do you want to do , who do you want to be, how do you want to grow?
Break ups are never easy. It is a loss and losses hurt. So, be patient with yourself. Establishing healthy boundaries and focusing on your healing can go far.