Why You Should Still Go to Therapy Even If You’re “Fine”

hello-i-m-nik-z1d-LP8sjuI-unsplash Simply stated: therapy is a space for your humanness.  You have a non-judgmental relationship with someone who will hold anything-absolutely anything-that burdens you. Therapy allows for exploration into the idiosyncrasiesof your life. I aim to create a space place for all my clients, where void of any labels, they are come as they are: enough and worthy.  A word of caution, therapy isn’t an easy process. It’ll challenge your beliefs. This challenge, however, can lead to a myriad of emotions (fear, sadness, joy, hope). In the end you may find yourself in a place of transformation. How powerful is that?!  From the moment you choose to self-explore you’ll be pushed past your “I’m fine” narrative and unearth a different story. You owe it to yourself to be more than “fine”.  In the end it’s your choice to continue with being “fine” or finally experience more.  So, I ask you: How are you doing?

Photo by Hello I’m Nik 🇬🇧 on Unsplash

You are worth EVERYTHING

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Self-Love is a phrase or a movement that seems to be really on-trend right now. And although I 100% support the encouragement to be more self-loving I notice how many are unsure of how to be more loving towards themselves. Self-love shouldn’t be a superficial sign of indifference but rather a deep-rooted belief and conviction of who you being. And so how then do you become more self-loving? Well read on:

1. You need to affirm and to validate yourself.                                                                                2. Your time is as valuable as anybody else’s so prioritize what you need to do.
3. You can’t give to others, and help to build them up if you’re not taking care of my own self first. That could be going to the doctor, therapy, getting sleep!
4. You need to remember that you’re worthy of love, success, opportunities, and knowing happiness.
5. Your opinions are as valuable as anybody else’s. It’s up to you to decide and to choose your own beliefs (and live accordingly).                                                                                            6. Probably the most important fact: your past does not define you – You’re free to change and grow.

Stop putting limits on your life. You are worth everything!

Hulking Out: Angry Feelings

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Anger can fuel you for a lifetime. Although, at times justified, it is an emotion you have to learn to soothe and navigat towards healing. Let go of anger. When you erupt in anger you often feel much worse. How? By identifying what causing you to become angry and identifying what is lying underneath. Bubbling underneath anger is oftentimes a more vulnerable emotion. Ever take the time to unearth what it could be for you?  Anger can influence you to behave in ways that are damaging, toxic, and unrecognizable to you. Learning to cope with anger and it’s myriad of emotional roots can prove to be a powerful step in your healing journey. Self-soothe doesn’t mean you ignore the anger and it’s accompanying emotions but you nurture them and honor them in a way that is healthy and growing for you.  So, what do you do? Here are some healthy ways to cope with anger:

  1. Honor it. You are angry.
  2. Take time for yourself to soothe the initial anger response. Maybe you go for a walk, listen to music, or take a nap.
  3. Journal/reflect on what made you angry and if there is another feeling that comes up for you, i.e. hurt or disappointment.
  4. If someone is involved in your feelings of anger and discuss with them what happened and work on getting the situation resolved.
  5. If that anger runs deep and you find it difficult to process on your own, please talk to someone about it: a pastor, therapist, a life coach; someone that can guide you to through the process of healing.

7 Tips To Improving Your Self-Confidence

 

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Confidence is a highly desired quality. Those that possess confidence are often admired and elevated to the status as a role model. Confidence is available to us all. However, there are situations, people, and events that rob us of our confidence. Confidence is something to be nurtured. Once it is nurtured, watch it grow! So, how do you authentically cultivate confidence? I want to offer 7 actionable tips that you can implement to increase your confidence.

First and foremost, commit yourself to cultivating confidence. This is a goal you have set for yourself and it matters to you.  Now try to be as specific as you can and identify the areas in which you lack self-confidence. Introspection and self-insight are key to understanding the root cause of poor self-confidence. For example, do you stutter? And as a result, shy away from talking to people. Once you have an insight (and it does not have to be deep, just enough to get a direction) you can assemble your team to support you! Taking the stuttering example, you can work with a speech therapist to alleviate some of the speech problems.

Next, try to identify any triggers that cause you to feel undervalued. This is where you can develop a deeper insight into your understanding of yourself. This is a great time to work with a therapist to unearth the deeper roots that are contributing to your lack of self-confidence. Everyone starts at different places, and all have different weaknesses. Change is possible for you – though it may take work and time. While gaining self-awareness it is not enough to know what your weaknesses or areas of growth are but it is also important to know and list all your strengths and your positive traits. Do not be ashamed to ask for help here! Talk to a trusted friend and ask them! Start by taking baby steps in your action plan to nurture the traits that you would like to possess.

Finally, along the way notice your successes, and be proud of how you’re changing. Then use this as the foundation to develop further changes.

How Unplugging Helped Me Connect

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Photo by Nicholas Santoianni on Unsplash

I had a plan. I even blogged it. While away I would still post. I would show my presence in the internet world in some way. Technology is amazing. I will not argue about its effectivness in connecting people. I am able to work with clients virtually, I connect with colleagues nationally. When used responsibly, it really is an amazing tool. Yet, when the time came to post. I did not want to. The thought of posting, checking emails, doing some kind of work was too much for me; even posting or connecting for fun in my personal accounts. I just did not want to do it.

Of course, after giving birth one is tired: psychically and mentally. Yet, my exhaustion was more than that. I just craved the need to unplug. So, I listened to what I needed and in doing so, I was able to be present with my husband and children. I focused on the self-care that I needed. I found a rhythm that benefits my overall well being and therefore that of my family’s.

We are bombarded with so much noise and input that we risk missing and  listening to our own intuition.  As a business owner,  I admit there was a latent fear that if I did not connect, I would lose clients. I would lose my “place” in the ranks and would have to start over. (I am happy to report that all of my clients gladly waited for me-thank you, I am humbled!) But the point is that in unplugging from the noise, I connected ever more powerfully with myself. Therapists are not exempt from natural life occurrences and happenstance; I view myself as a role model of what is possible and therefore help guide others.

I find myself more connected to my mission as a therapist, invigorated to begin again. So, I encourage you to unplug in order to tune inwards. I promise it will feel amazing.

My 10 Commandments for an Intentional Life

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Photo by Mark Duffel on Unsplash

I recommend my clients to create a personal set of “rules for living” or their own “dogma for life”. Why? I find that it is important for us to have a standard in living. It allows us to know our limits, how we want to live our life, in the summary live intentionally. If you “break” one of your own rules, rather than being hard on yourself, take the time to reflect if that rule is valuable. Maybe you have outgrown that mentality and it no longer serves you. This is editable! As I have grown in my work in the field of mental health, I created a list of 10 Commandments (so to speak) that have helped me manage the work that I do and the commitment to my clients; as well as apply to my personal life. It is a standard, that I hold myself too and reflect often:

  1. I accept that I’m not perfect, and there’s no perfect time
  2. I can’t please everyone no matter how hard I try
  3. I will participate in something I believe in
  4. I will learn to prioritize and do what matters first
  5. I will be selective when it comes to choosing friends
  6. I will be there for others and will help them if I can
  7. I will choose to focus on the positives in life
  8. I will true to myself
  9. I will live in the present and enjoy the “now”
  10. I will look for the good and be thankful for each day

This is an example for you to think about how you live your life. Is there intention to what you do and how you do it? Intentionality has the potential to be an extremely powerful force in our lives.

5 Steps to Keep Calm

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Photo by Dingzeyu Li on Unsplash
There are moments when we are bound to lose our cool. Whether you have had it with your children’s misbehavior, a co-worker’s incompetence, or simply you are having a tough day! It’s perfectly normal to not be even-tempered all the time. Acknowledge your feeling (s) and take action that will help that emotional state in a healthy way. Blowing up at your children or losing your temper at work can have serious consequences. I want to offer 5 strategies that you can use to keep yourself from blowing up and feeling out of control:
1. Under duress (intense emotion) we can over-react and set into a catastrophizing mind trap. So, keep things in perspective with fact and challenge any mind trap. Here, remind yourself, “it’s minor, and not worth the fight.”

 

2. If possible take a break. Use this time to take a few deep breaths and let your feelings settle. Then, in a calm, low voice respond in a way that maintains your self-respect.

3. Be aware of your limits and what can be too overstimulating for you. If we know what those limits are we can regain and keep control. This allows us to practice coping when intense emotion is stirred up.

4. Depending on the situation, try to create a calm environment. If it’s possible, have a go-to playlist, stress ball, gum, pictures, water, etc close by. By staying one step ahead you can prepare yourself for inevitable setbacks and infuriating people.

5. One category in coping is distractions. Distractions work great because they are short and at the moment. By distracting yourself, you lessen the emotional valve and can decrease the pressure building with yourself.

 

What I find to be important is to acknowledge the need to be proactive in our processing of emotions so that we are not left out of control when a situation arises.