8 Tips To Simplify Your Life

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Photo by Eutah Mizushima on Unsplash

Let’t talk about stress. Stress can be welcomed, i.e. the birth of a child and it can be un-welcomed, i.e financial worry. In any case, learning how to manage and care for your stress is an important and crucial skill to develop in order to care for you mental health wellbeing. So let me offer you 8 tips to manage your obligations and stress.

1. Simplify – your time, your stuff, your social life. Thinking decluttering your schedule and your agenda.

2. Live in the moment. Meaning simply do one thing at a time. So, if you are watching a show focus on watching and enjoying your show!

3. Practice gratitude. Gratitude can be such a great antidote for many things!

4. Take control of the thoughts that pull you back into the past.

5. Do not worry about what comes next, simply take actions that are aligned with your goals.

6. Difficult but necessary: practice getting comfortable with saying “no”. “No” is such a powerful statement.

7. Lived aligned with your truth and your values; do not worry about others, and what they think of you.

8. Do your best, then relax, and avoid perfectionism. Narratives of perfection can be challenged and you can learn how to relax in a therapeutic environment. Give it a try.

Granted some of these suggestions require some therapy to overcome. Yet, do you think you are work the investment? Taking the time to really unearth some unhealthy thinking patterns can arm you to finally be free from the pressures that surround you.

7 Tips To Improving Your Self-Confidence

 

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Confidence is a highly desired quality. Those that possess confidence are often admired and elevated to the status as a role model. Confidence is available to us all. However, there are situations, people, and events that rob us of our confidence. Confidence is something to be nurtured. Once it is nurtured, watch it grow! So, how do you authentically cultivate confidence? I want to offer 7 actionable tips that you can implement to increase your confidence.

First and foremost, commit yourself to cultivating confidence. This is a goal you have set for yourself and it matters to you.  Now try to be as specific as you can and identify the areas in which you lack self-confidence. Introspection and self-insight are key to understanding the root cause of poor self-confidence. For example, do you stutter? And as a result, shy away from talking to people. Once you have an insight (and it does not have to be deep, just enough to get a direction) you can assemble your team to support you! Taking the stuttering example, you can work with a speech therapist to alleviate some of the speech problems.

Next, try to identify any triggers that cause you to feel undervalued. This is where you can develop a deeper insight into your understanding of yourself. This is a great time to work with a therapist to unearth the deeper roots that are contributing to your lack of self-confidence. Everyone starts at different places, and all have different weaknesses. Change is possible for you – though it may take work and time. While gaining self-awareness it is not enough to know what your weaknesses or areas of growth are but it is also important to know and list all your strengths and your positive traits. Do not be ashamed to ask for help here! Talk to a trusted friend and ask them! Start by taking baby steps in your action plan to nurture the traits that you would like to possess.

Finally, along the way notice your successes, and be proud of how you’re changing. Then use this as the foundation to develop further changes.

Healthy Relationships: Spark Notes Version

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Relationships aren’t about having another person satisfy or fulfil you.I say this often but learn to appreciate solitude. You need to be comfortable being alone, and to accept and be at peace with the person you are, in order to be healthy in relationships. Relationships are about building each other up, and appreciating each other’s uniqueness while  also enjoying togetherness. It’s important that you see your partner  for who they really are. We all have our shortcomings and weaknesses. When you first start dating you may be under the influence of infatuation. However, you can learn about who your partner is and what motivates them. This is accomplished by being willing to learn and grow with your partner. Instead of being defensive, or demanding your own way, take the time to understand your partner’s perspective – and, hopefully, your partner will learn from you, too. All relationships have differences and disagreements. Instead of getting defensive pay attention to the patterns of when and why you fight – which points to buried issues, to hurt and unmet needs. Finally, I encourage you to embrace the ordinary in your relationships. In time, the original excitement settles and things will feel normalized. But the day-to-day has meaning when it’s shared with those you love. Photo Photo: by Ivanna Salgado on Unsplash

How to Interrupt Negative Self-Talk

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Photo by Fernando @dearferdo on Unsplash

Those who people who struggle with depression or anxiety often have an internal audio track of self-hating thoughts. These can sound like:

– I am worthless.

– I deserve the pain from my mistakes.

– I am weak and need to get over this.

What can you do if you are struggling with depression and self-hating thoughts,  it is important to see a therapist who can assist you. Additionally, you can replace The following things are commonly used to interrupt negative self-talk and thoughts of despair and worthlessness:

– Treat yourself the way you treat your friends. You deserve better than hating yourself.

– Do something different – stand up, take a walk, sing – to interrupt the negative self-talk.

– Take a few moments and breathe deeply, breathing in your surroundings.

Please remember that speaking to a therapist can be profound step in your healing to overcome depression and feelings of self-hatred.

Seeking A Relationship Because You’re Lonely

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Photo by Montse Monmo on Unsplash

The  most important relationship you’ll ever have is your relationship with yourself. Feeling whole  and satisfied in your being is crucial to a healthy relationship with another. You can’t receive nor give what you don’t offer to yourself. In other words, how you feel and care for yourself sets the foundation for the other relationships in your life.  If you don’t love yourself, it’s harder to love others and receive actions of love in return.

When you’re in a romantic relationship, you bring with you all of you (that includes past hurts, traumas, biases, unhealthy patterns, etc ) and therefore unresolved and unhealed parts of you can influence future relationship whether by choosing an unhealthy partner or by potentially sabotaging a relationship 

In my opinion, the key is to recognize you’re a complete  individual. Meaning that you don’t seek a relationship to complete you. If you are looking to be in a relationship to fulfill a void, you may find yourself disappointed and heartbroken. Learn to be happy and fulfilled as a single individual. Make sure you have goals, interests, all on your own and when dating that this person adds to your life and not simply becomes your life.  (Single simply means you are without a romantic relationship. It doesn’t refer to all the other relationships that surround you.)

Be mindful that if you seek a relationship because you’re lonely you will attach yourself to the first person that comes along (whether they have a genuine interests in you or not!).  Therefore, have a strong and secure sense of self.  Present that self to whom ever you court.

 

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Photo by Valentin Antonucci on Unsplash

As a couple’s counselor and someone who studied and continues to study relationships, I am often asked how to engage in a healthy relationship and/or identify that you are in a “right” relationship. When it comes to relationships there aren’t any guarneteed certainties, however, if you are intentional in seeking and courting a partner, ask questions, and mindful of your relationship; you will learn whether your relationship is healthy and has a future. Although there are no absolutes, I have identified 6 principles that are applicable when reflecting on your relationship. These are:

1. Knowing yourself is important! The the time to know   what you want, and do not want. Who do you envision as a partner (qualities not necessarily physical attributes). 
2. You deserve respect. No matter what make sure you are in agreement in every aspect of your relationship (in all its stages). You have the right to say “no” at any time. 

 

3. Have knowledge on healthy boundaries. Be aware of what behaviors cross the line and impose on those boundaries. Unsure what is healthy boundary? Then go out and talk to relationship experts on the topic. Make a list of questions and ask for a consultation. 

4. Take a risk! In order to meet people you have to be willing to get out there and people. expose yourself to new things and  meet a wide range of people you might be pleasantly surprised. 

5.  If you box people you might not notice someone who is an ideal partner. Be open to being surprised! Sometimes people get fixated on their “type” and although you should be attracted to your partner solely focusing on their physical attributes could limit you to meeting people.

6. Pay attention to how they behave towards you and others. Are they kind? Do they make (equal) time to get to know you? 

 

Relationships are an important part of life that we are never taught. We are born straight into relationships (caregivers, families, friends, etc). Despite not learning about relationships, they are extremely influential to our wellbeing. Therefore, if you are unsure and unclear of what is a healthy relalaitonship it is completely appropriate to seek a professional’s teachings and be intntial in having a strong and healthy relationship. 

 

Relational Detox

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There are seasons where I think we need a good detox. If you are not sure what detox means it’s “a process or period of time in which one abstains from or rids the body of toxic or unhealthy substances.” Substance can refer to anything that is not healthy for you: screen time, social media, food, a cluttered space, etc.  Any time you clean out your body, home, mind; you become aware of the other things in your life that may not be healthy for you, this can include relationships.

Before you go cutting people off, take a good and thorough look at yourself. Are you in need of healing? If so seek it!

Second, take some time to reflect on the people around you. you may find it helpful to look at the relationships in your life and identify weather or not they are healthy relationships. Generally, a healthy relationship is defined by a giving and taking of resources, energy, and time. In healthy relationships there is a shared valued system, prioritization and an investment in the bond of the relationship.

Once you have identified whether the relationship is unhealthy, ask yourself do I want to restore the vitality in this relationship? If so, then outline the steps to do so. If the answer is “no”, then establishing boundaries is he next step in detoxing from unhealthy relationships. Once severed, it is important to process and grieve the loss of the  relationship.

Connections with other have the potential to influence who you are and how you act. It is of the upmost important that these individuals are alined with your values and priorities.

 

Disclaimer: I know it’s not that easy to detox from people especially relationships where there has been a lot fo time invested. It is more than reasonable to seek guidance and processing whenever you are unsure of how to navigate a situation. Photo by Maid Milinkic on Unsplash